Thursday, October 10, 2013

Forgive them as they do not know,praise the ones who ask

Jesus once said that...but todays blog isn't about biblicle scripture. Its about me and forgiving those who do not know. Do not understand and praising those who do take the time to listen, enquire and understand.

Just yesterday again I was judged parking in handicap parking spot. It happens alot to me. I get sneered at, looked at...and even yesterday a woman abuptly said to me...." Holy **** he does not even remotely look disabled". Despite the 30 inch circular Cluster-Suicide Headache sticker on my back window.

Yesterday, I broke another rib sneezing. This is the 2nd time now and same  rib. The break didn't hurt. But its causing some discomfort sleeping, moving, bending etc.

I got the handicap parking permit for a number of reasons. In my last year of working I fell 6ft into a pit. Enroute down the 6ft my left ankle twisted side ways inward and hit shelving enroute to the bottom, I completely tore all the ligaments and tendons in my left ankle.  I am permanently damaged from the fall. I used a cane for almost 2 full years as well a a leg brace (which is used for lazy foot).
Going to the gym, physio therapy helped but I still do not have full movement, and now rarely limp or 4 out of 7 days feel pain. I can not run. I tried. And it swelled like a stuffed pig. But I am very grateful I almost never used the cane anymore. Since I have CH my pain tolerance is 10 fold to the average person whom is healthy.

I also used the Handicap parking permit for my headaches. Most people would think how and why? Simple....If I am at a store and I get an attack...I want to vacate as humanly possible to either have meds ready and not scream at the top of my lungs banging my head on the floor. Causing a scene, an ambulance or police. Having a bad Cluster Heachache is not pretty. Having one in front of people who have no friggin clue what is happening to me worse. I had a KIP 10(which is worst you can have) at a car show. In front of 500+ people I was in my truck at the time. It was over 30C  thats 90+F. Too hot to roll up windows. All I could do is scream on the seat on my truck. Slowly a crown gathered and stared. No one asked if I was ok. Nothing. I was alot skinner then but now seeing a 6ft 275lbs man holding his head rocking back and forth on the floor screaming and crying would be disturbing to anyone. Especially anyone not knowing. So I use my parking pass as an exit strategy to get the heck out of dodge in a hurry and this has helped me many times.

Some may not agree with why I park there but they are ignorant and do not know. I have written about this before and stated people just do not know and are quick to judge and assume with me. Because I do not look sick. I see people all the time reading my decal on my window. In fact my neighbour did not know I am sick, Saw the decal, Googled it. Found me and read about it. Then took the time to come over and wish me well. That meant so much to me that he took the time to look it up, ask questions and enquire vs judging and pointing the finger.

We are all guilty of judging at some point in our lives. Perhaps if we stop to ask, stop to think, stop being judgemental those of us who are struggling will have a much better day.

Yesterday. I was having a really rough go. No pity here please. Just sore from a broken rib, Still dealing with PTSD episodes and being light headed and so forth.  Frustrated for things happening in my life and low and behold I got home and a certain tweet came to me and certainly brightened my day. It just goes to show how human we all really are. How we all put our shoes on the same way. That fame nor fortune is only something about them not all about them. That me being sick doesnt make me who I am, its only something about me. That my disease is only a part of who I am. And that other people give a crap about my well being.

I try, and sometimes  try much harder to wake up and smile everyday. I really do. Some days the fatigue sets it. I can not help it. Asking for help is not one of my strong attributes. I have always tried for myself.

Being sick I have made some pretty great friends. Been able to connect globally but if I help just one person, live in the now. Forgive those who lie,cheat,hurt us and remind them that there are people who care, people who don't even know us and care. Forgive the ones who do not know. Educate them, and forgive them. And high 5 those who take the time to enquire, ask and show genuine interest. And remember, not all disabilities are visible.


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